ADHD

I just put up a post on Parental Writes about how i think ADHD is under-diagnosed and over-prescribed. I know not everyone has kids, but i think this is an issue that will affect everyone at some point or another.

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The Funniest Shit I Have Seen In A While

I've been meaning to post this all week, but am just now getting around to it.

I got home on Tuesday night and my wife had our DVR paused. I was in a hurry to see the NC State/West Virginia game, but she assured me that what she was about to show me would be worth my wait.

I was extremely suspicious when she said it was American Idol, because i hate that show more than Nazis. What i saw next was quite possibly the best shit of all time.

Imagine the most effeminate male you have ever seen. Now imagine him as an Indian. Now throw in a little girl wailing at the top of her lungs.

Anyway, thanks Ashley. That was the best. For those of you who also avoid American Idol like the plague, here is the video:

NC State Vs. West Virginia

The Pack takes on the Mountaineers tonight in Morgantown, so i thought it would be a good time to post some good West Virginia jokes.

My buddy Mark is a WV graduate and he has never heard a joke about West Virginia;-) So this is dedicated to him.

What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?

Someone always loses a trailer.

What does a West Virginian girl say after sex?

"Get off me daddy - you're crushing my Marlboros!"

How do you get 15 West Virginians into a VW Beetle?

Throw in a nickel.

How do you get them back out?

Throw in a bar of soap.

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virgina?

In Virginia moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

A young West Virginia teenage boy and his younger sister went to see the country doctor. The boy said "Doc, I think we need to get sis some of them there birth control pills". Incredulous, the doctor asked, "Why? Is she sexually active?" The boy thought for a moment, then replied, "Naw, she just lays there like Mom."

How do you castrate a West Virginian?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

Why wouldn't the West Virginia dad let his son marry a virgin?

"If she aint good enough for her family she damn sure aint good enough for ours."

What's the difference between a WV girl and a catfish?

One has whiskers and stinks and the other is a fish.

How do you tell if a woman from west Virginia is having her period?

She's only wearing one sock.

Happy Birthday Casie

Here's a nice picture of Casie drunkenly dry-humping a camel.

Happy Birthday you ol' skeezer!

Edit: I also just noticed that the guy in the background may have pooped a blackberry.

The 5 Best Frontmen in The History of Ever

This is my top 5 list. It changes nearly everyday, but for the remainder of Thursday, March 15th, i will defend my choices to the death.

#5. Philip Bailey - Earth, Wind and Fire : The guy is just a badass performer. Period. His duet with Phil Collins was my favorite song in 3rd grade, in case you were wondering.

#4. Tie - Bruce Dickinson and Bruce Springsteen - My love for Iron Maiden is eclipsed only by my love for illicit drugs and hardcore pornography, so naturally i love their diminutive frontman. Since taking over for Paul Dianno the guy has toured with Maiden non-stop. They are still huge all over the world. If you are unfamiliar with the works of Iron Maiden, you should really stop sucking. Go buy Rock in Rio for Christ sake.Springsteen is Springsteen. I see no point in having to explain why he is on the list.

#3. Ian "Lemmy" Kilmeister- Hetfield, Mustaine...the whole lot of them owe their success to Motorhead and Lemmy. I think a quote from Airheads pretty much sums it up:
Chazz: Who'd win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Chris Moore: Lemmy.
[Rex imitates a game show buzzer]
Chris Moore: ... God?
Rex: Wrong, dickhead, trick question. Lemmy *IS* God.

#2. Steve Perry - I was listening to Journey on the way to work this morning and Steve Perry's voice gave me the inspiration for this post. Journey has become a poster child for cheesy 80s bands, but if you are truly honest with yourself, you will admit that you love them. Ever heard someone hit the high notes like Steve Perry? Hell no. He's the effing king.

#1. Robert Plant - Ladies want to be with him, men want to be him. It's no coincidence the the best frontman sang for the best group of all time. Imitated a million times over, but never duplicated, Plant is the quintessential front man. His vocal range, his showmanship, his writing,...the guy did(does) it all. #5 - #2 are debatable and constantly subject to change, but i have never been more sure about anything in my life than i am about this: Robert Plant is the best frontman of all time.

Who did i leave off?

The NBA Sucks

A poor, misguided, former co-worker reminded me last week that not everyone knows the NBA is a nightly mockery of the game.

This post could easily be the longest one i have ever written, but I'm going to keep it like a woman's dress should be (long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting).

The Game

Ever watch an entire regular season NBA game? Of course not. it's unwatchable. There have been documented cases of invalids rising from their wheel chairs for the first time in decades in order to change the channel from regular season NBA games. The defense in non-existent. The offense consists of missed jump shots, clear outs for each teams "star" player and fast break points.Do you know why the NBA has new defensive rules in place nearly every season? Because if any one team actually played defense the way it is meant to be played, they would hold other teams to less than 50 points.

In short, there is no flow.

Everything about the NBA regular-season is half-ass. Half-empty arena, half-hearted effort...In fact, the only thing that isn't half-assed are NBA team's piss poor field goal percentages. They are routinely around 38-42%

The Players

The NBA is not a league of thugs. There are more than a few unsavory characters, but for every 1 Ron Artest, there are 10 Grant Hills.

The problem with NBA players just isn't that cut and dried. The problem with NBA players is that they have no heart. They follow the dollars until the twilight of their careers and then they try and latch on with a contender. Charles Barkley, Gary Payton, the examples are numerous.

But hey, at least those guys knew how to play the game at one point. The next generation of NBA players is largely a group of kids that stuck around college for a year or two or just decided to forgo school entirely and jump straight to the NBA. The result is players with a high school mentality, playing in a league that is supposed to be professional.

Are these NBA youngsters better athletes than 98% of 4-years college ballers? Absolutely. Are they better basketball players? Not even close. It's called basketball IQ. An awareness of the game ...they don't have it. and playing in the NBA, they never will.

The International Game

Disagree with my assessments thus far? Do you need an example proving that the NBA no longer showcases the best basketball in the world? No problem. Here are the years in which the USA won the Olympic Gold medal in Men's Basketball: 1936, 1948, 1952, 1956, 1960, 1964, 1968, 1976, 1984, 1992, 1996, 2000. We got screwed by the Russians in '70 and we decided to use professional players after our kids got the Bronze in '88, but overall it was total domination.

Flux Capacitor your ass to today. We got a bronze in 2004 and most recently a Bronze in the 2006 World Championships. What's wrong? Simple: our players can't play the game the way it is meant to be played. They lack fundamental dribbling, shooting, passing and defensive skills. things they should have been taught throughout middle school and high school and then refined during college.

Bottom line: We are getting our shit handed to us by inferior athletes with superior fundamentals.

Coaching

Why can't the best college coaches succeed on the professional level? Are they coaching prima donnas who refuse to buy in to a system? Is it because they are not actually coaching, but rather "handling"players to keep them happy? Is it because they know passing and defense can win championships but no one will listen to them? These are all rhetorical questions, BTW.



The Fans

Find an NBA fan who has actually played basketball on a competitive level and you have found the exception to the rule. The combination of ESPN and video games has forever changed the way in which they watch basketball. A guy who scores 30+ a night is automatically good. Never mind that he was 15 for 42 with 2 assists and 1 rebound as his team lost.

The NBA is geared towards young kids and people who simply do not know any better. Blinded by bright lights and 25 variations to every teams jerseys, these ignoramuses are stumbling through life thinking they are seeing the best. They aren't and they are becoming part of the problem.

They encourage their kids and their kids encourage their friends to emulate the NBA style game. Have you ever seen The And1 Mix Tape Tour? Check it out because that will be the NBA in the next 10 years.

Disagree? Agree? Did i miss some reasons why it is the suckiest suck that ever sucked?

Monday Shits and Giggles

Serious Question

is Koko B. Ware the most underrated wrestler of all time?

If not, who is?

WWMBD?

What would Manute Bol Do?

Whenever i come to a crossroads in my daily life, i always ask myself this question.

In case it's not glaringly obvious, i have officially run out of things to blog about.

Eff it. More drunk animals!

I never knew watching drunk animals could be so cathartic.


Drunk Animals - More amazing video clips are a click away

Optimu Prime Voice Changer

Imagine a world were you could do an entire conference call with the voice of Optimus Prime.

Imagine a world were Optimus Prime could call the girl that screwed Will over and give her a piece of his Autobot mind.

Imagine a world were Optimus Prime is routinely seen riding a yellow scooter on the mean streets of the LBC(lower bottom Cary).

It's not that far away friends...it's not that far away.

Drunk Squirrel

Thanks to Scottie for making Friday go by a little faster.

and because i am so very generous...enjoy: